Shattered Glass and Shattered Hope
by Meglin
Summary: Sebastian gets news that will change his life, he doesn't react very well. Kurt helps him put the pieces back together.
1. Chapter 1

_A bottle of Scotch,_

_A broken phone,_

"Bas?" Kurt's voice echoes through the apartment as he pushed open the door. He'd been expecting Sebastian to at least make an appearance at his birthday party, if not for him than for the discount tequila shots and the promise of getting laid after, but the boy had been missing for over a day, ignoring all their friends, and not even responding to Kurt's texts, on his birthday of all days. Kurt shuts the door quietly, leaving his key and the bag of leftover food and alcohol he'd brought with him on the counter.

"Kurt?" The reply is quiet more a confirmation of what Seb must already know than anything. Kurt follows the sound down the narrow hallway into Sebastian's living room.

He stops short when he steps into the room, his mouth dropping open wide. Sebastian is sprawled in the middle of his floor, a half empty bottle of scotch on the floor beside him. The cup he'd been drinking from is smashed on the floor by the wall, the shattered remnants of his phone cradled in one hand. He blinks up at Kurt a few times, eyes cloudy with alcohol, before what day it is and what he's missed seems to dawn on him.

"I-Shit. Kurt, I'm sorry, I forgot." His voice is quiet, flat and empty sounding, nothing like the snark that Kurt is so used to. Kurt raises an eyebrow, kneeling down and picking up the bottle of scotch.

"Forgot about my birthday or about your promise that you were going to share this bottle of scotch with me?" Kurt asks, his gentle teasing doing nothing to stop the note of concern from bleeding into his voice.

"Both." Seb replies quietly, squeezing his eyes closed, doing his best to block out the world.

"And the phone tried to remind you?" Kurt knows he's prying, knows that Sebastian has to have a good reason for being so stupid.

"The phone kicked off the whole mess." Sebastian goes to sit up, wincing as he puts pressure on his hand. Kurt shifts closer, gently opening his fingers. All of a sudden Sebastian's eyes are open again, his head snapping around so he can stare at the few drops of blood gathered in the centre of his palm. He pulls his hand away quickly, curling his hand back into a fist, his eyes flicking up to Kurt's face.

"Bas, what happened?" Kurt says slowly, fixed on the way that Seb's eyes widen almost fearfully before he turns away.

"Phone call, nothing special." Seb replies, tearing his eyes away from Kurt. He looks down at his feet for a second, taking a few deep breaths, steadying himself and willing the world to stop spinning.

"Sebastian, nothing would not have you finishing half a bottle of scotch alone in your apartment when you knew it was my birthday. What's wrong?" Kurt's words are clipped and his final question comes out as more of an order than a query. But he knows how his boyfriend gets, how he locks his thoughts up inside himself, only communicating by lashing out.

Sebastian turns away, wrapping his arms around himself with a shiver, despite the fact that the apartment is warm enough that Kurt is itching to remove his sweater (which is, as he's realized before, quite possibly Sebastian's intention. He doesn't reply though, choosing instead to curl up tighter, visibly pulling in to himself.

"Bas..." Kurt tries again, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Just tell me something, sweetheart." Sebastian is silent for a few more seconds, his shoulders tightening before he rolls them, relaxing his arms down to his sides.

"Ku-urt." When Sebastian does speak it comes out as more of a sob than anything, his whole body shaking with it. At first Kurt doesn't know how to react, this is Sebastian. Sebastian who holds himself so close, always teasing and prodding at everyone else, always careful to keep a guarded smirk in place. Sebastian who had it had taken a month to utter a genuine moan during sex, rather than the staged almost pornographic sounds he normally uttered. Sebastian who would never, ever cry in front of his boyfriend.

Kurt shifts closer, wrapping his arms around Seb's shoulders and pulling him to his chest. He cards his fingers through his hair, humming and making little shushing sounds until the boy in his arms stops shaking. They stay like that for a few minutes, Kurt humming quiet melodies and Sebastian resting against him. Seb takes a few deep breaths, steadying himself, before he tries to speak.

"I thought I'd get a chance to prove him wrong. I thought he'd get to see just how fucking wrong he was about me." Sebastian's words are quiet; shaking with a silent fury that Kurt can feel radiating out from him. He doesn't stop the motion of his hand, only shifting the lower one so it's pressed against Sebastian's chest instead of his waist. He doesn't need to ask about the he in question, he knows all about his boyfriend's rocky relationship with his father.

"And then he had-" Sebastian's body tightens, another sob breaking free from his throat. Kurt just holds him, silently urging him to continue. "He had to go and fucking die on me. Without giving me a chance to prove that I can do this." Sebastian pulls away, looking at Kurt with wide eyes, tear tracts staining his face. "He never fucking gave me a chance to show him how much I love you."

"Bas, I'm sorry." Kurt, of all people, knows how little that phrase means, know that it is never enough, that it doesn't help that someone is sorry when your whole world is shaking. But he has nothing better to say, because what means anything in the face of a loss.

"It's not your fault. None of it is your fucking fault, Kurt." Seb snaps back, swallowing another sob.

"I know." Kurt says quietly, brushing a tear from Sebastian's cheek.

"I just-" Seb starts after a minute, biting his lip and looking down at the floor.

"What?" Kurt prompts.

"I wish I actually hated him. It would just..." He shudders, breathing deeply, his mind whirring with the attempt to put his thoughts into words. "Things would be easier if I didn't-if I hadn't loved him so damn much." Kurt doesn't have an answer for that either, instead he just pulls Sebastian back to his chest and soothes him.

They stay like that for what feels like hours; Sebastian curled into Kurt's side, Kurt's fingers working through his hair. Eventually they climb into the bed, barely separating on the way, settling beneath the sheets without a word. They fall asleep tangled together, Sebastian's head still on Kurt's chest. It doesn't really help, nothing but time does, but it's a start.


	2. Chapter 2

_Pressed together_

_Still alone_

Kurt is about to leave for work when Sebastian wakes up. He's still a mess from the night before, the after-effects of the alcohol muting the anger and grief he's still feeling but not completely banishing them. He rises to consciousness with a hoarse cry that would have almost been pathetic in another situation. Now though, with the events of the previous night still in both their minds it's anything but. So Kurt goes back. He steps back into the apartment, tapping out an explanatory text and shrugging off his coat before braving the bedroom and the uncertainty that is Sebastian.

He's sprawled out over the bed, naked except for a pair of boxers, his hair half-plastered to the side of his head, the other half sticking straight up where he's run is fingers through it. The way he's lying, limbs to the four corners, blankets in a mound beneath him, betrays the fact that he's been up at least once.

He looks up when Kurt enters, his eyes open and empty, tears still threatening to spill from them if provoked. It takes a minute for Kurt to adjust, this new shift, where Sebastian is willing to _need _him (and to let him see that he does), is something that'll take more than a day to get used to. His past self would have savoured it, filed the information away to reflect on and use to his advantage in the future. Because Sebastian Smythe needs him.

Instead he just drops lightly to the bed besides Sebastian, pressing a dry kiss to his cheek and running a hand soothingly over his thigh. Kurt marks the shift when he reacts, the subtle tensing of his muscles that means that for all Sebastian's a little lost right now, he's still the same boy Kurt's been dating. Kurt is about to pull away, about to mutter an excuse and head off to the kitchen to make tea or breakfast, anything to escape the stifling sadness of the room when Sebastian finally makes good on the promises shifting beneath his skin. He shifts, one hand coming up to frame Kurt's face as he pulls him into a kiss. The gentle press of Kurt's lips quickly shifting into the heavy pull of Sebastian's. It beckons him to the bed, one hand already working to strip off his carefully chosen trousers.

They kiss for several minutes, an insistent battle of lips that has Kurt reeling even as Sebastian pushes for more. It's nothing like their usual dance, equal and heavy and so perfect Kurt could die, Sebastian's insistent need to feel something, to fill the void the loss of his father left pulling them both in deeper. Kurt can hardly breathe with the emotion of it all, the pain weighing on his chest and forcing him down.

He hears the thud of a drawer shutting and the snick of a bottle cap, the sounds rushing past his ears without him really processing anything. He's barely registered the feeling of skin on skin when there's pressure. Sebastian's usual teasing is gone as he slowly breaches the ring of muscle, one finger pressing in as Kurt relaxes around him. He rocks his hips back almost immediately even though he's not really hard yet. Then again, that's not what this is about.

It goes fast from there, the stretch and burn anchoring Kurt and Kurt, in turn, anchoring Sebastian. They never really break the kiss, catching each other's breathy moans and needy whines, swallowing them down as they press closer. It's not slow or careful, but Kurt imagines he can taste Sebastian's heart on his lips all the same.

Eventually Sebastian pulls back, hands sweeping one final time of Kurt's ass before he shifts, positioning himself between Kurt's legs. He slowly pushes in, none of his normal careful teasing evident in his motions. Kurt just relaxes beneath him, taking him in. He brings one hand up to grip at his bicep, just one more point grounding him.

After the first slow thrust something in Sebastian seems to snap, his hips moving faster as sobs wrack his body. Kurt does nothing to quiet him, he barely even moves, content to be his anchor, secure in the fact that he knows what Sebastian needs. His other hand brushes over Sebastian's cheek, wiping away the tears that glisten there.

He fucks into Kurt hard, hips stuttering and breath shaking as he nears his climax, his whole body tense with a mixture of pleasure and pain. Kurt holds him close, carding a hand through his hair and down his back, holding him close as he topples over the edge, cock pulsing as he comes.

Kurt thinks about reaching between them, wrapping a hand around his own dick and jerking himself off, the pleasant hum of arousal still eating at his bones. But Sebastian needs him more than he needs an orgasm. So he moves, wincing a little at the wet squelching sound that results when Sebastian's dick slips out of him. He takes a deep breath, grounding himself as he wraps his arms around Sebastian, rubbing over his back until he calms a little, his breathing settling back into a normal cadence.

They drift like that for hours, pressed against each other and smelling of sweat and sex. Kurt finally moves, prompted by the first pangs of hunger in his stomach. Sebastian's eyes follow him as he gets up off the bed, his teeth worrying his lip.

"When's the funeral?" Kurt asks, banishing Sebastian's unuttered words with a practical question.

"Friday." Sebastian replies hoarsely, voice showing the tears as much as his face.

"We'll fly out for the weekend then." Kurt's voice is quiet but steely, his mind making the transition into planning mode. "Stay with my dad or your mom, or a hotel if you'd rather."

Sebastian nods up at him, another chorus of "it's not fair" threatening to fall from his lips.

"I know it's not, baby." Kurt shushes him, rubbing a soothing hand through Sebastian's hair.

"I just-I wanted you to meet him. You would have proved him wrong." Sebastian's voice is tiny, barely enough energy to help it leave his mouth, let alone fill the room the way his words normally do. These words though, they're made to break Kurt's heart. They pull him back to the bed, back until he's pressed against Sebastian's back again, muttering words he knows will never do enough to soothe a broken heart. Because even though it's not fair, it still _is_ and that reality is one they can both learn to live with.


End file.
